A Five Year Awareness

A friend recently asked me, “ What would you say you has been the biggest transition in your life in the past five years, and what did it teach you?”  I was shocked that I had an internal answer immediately.

As I took in the depth of the questions I realized that the marriage of my two sons, the inclusion of two amazing women in my life, and the birth of four grandchildren had meant life as I now see it is totally different.

In 2010 both of my son’s made a commitment to their partners for a future together.  They shared decisions to marry, plans to unite families and each daughter-in-law to be arranged and planned unique experiences while including me in the process more than I had ever thought would be possible. The gift of getting to know these families and knowing that we get to support our children as they start in a new phase of life felt as though I was entering a new phase of life.

Both of these celebrations were as different as they could be. One was a commitment ceremony held by a river stream with guests sitting on hay bales, and the other was a church wedding with a white beaded strapless wedding dress and groomsmen in tuxedos.  The cakes in each were made by the family-one wedding had seven layer cakes meeting the vegan, gluten free, and vanilla, chocolate cake desires (and decorated by the sister-in-law to be with flowers.)  The other looked as professional as possible and made by an aunt. Music, dancing and great food were part of the after ceremony celebrations.

The first grandchild came a few months after the wedding, the other two years. Both have had their second now. We have two grand daughters and tow grandsons. We have celebrated many birthdays, holidays, and family events. WE have mourned losses together.  We have helped moves across states happen.

I know love at a level I have never understood before. I never knew how wonderful it feels to love so many people so much. I know sharing and caring and letting go so others can lead.  I have more fun making sure we can make things happen to support the passions in all our family member’s lives.

When I think of family I repeat my mother-in-law’s favorite mantra:

“All shall be well and

All shall be well, and

All manner of things shall be well.”

Julian of Norwich

Special Treats in Grand-parenting

I am surprised that I can experience two amazing roles of being a grandparent from two different perspectives in one weekend.

In Tulsa, we had a sleepover with one year old Simone and 5 ½ year old Millie. The evening includes dancing, dinner, and Papa holding Simone as she feel asleep on his chest. The morning started with Millie, Simone and I were all out on the porch listening to birds, watching the Koi in the pond, eating more blueberries than I had ever imagined, and then playing on the floor.

Simone crawled with such a dedicated gait, across the room, stood up next to the coffee table, went to her diaper bag, rummaged through it and discovered a green polka dot dress with a ruffle on it. Victorious, she crawled to the kitchen,  bringing  the dress with her, where I stood .

She locked her eyes with mine, and with one hand holding onto the dress, held her sleep shirt up and almost over her head with the other. She was ready to change clothes! I must admit, one of my favorite things about being a grandparent is watching our grandkids tell us exactly what they need. They know how to do it so beautifully!

In New Mexico, the grandkids went camping with their parents around Las Vegas. At 3 1/2 and 2 years old, Sage and Ash are little mountain men. They hike, explore, sleep in a tent, and are up for adventure. When they called Cece and Papa after the weekend trip they told us they loved climbing and camping and seeing all the animals. Hearing the joy of the whole family from their weekend adventure warms my heart. It makes planning another trip as soon as possible another must!

I treasure these connections.

2014 YEAR IN REVIEW

Our patio

Dan with Grasshopper

Gizmo-RIP

2013 ended with the death of my longtime dear pet, Gizmo. Having a dog who worshipped you for fifteen years pass on left me aware of the gift of being loved. Love has been part of all the new beginnings in 2014. As Dan and I start our 41st year together, we enjoy seeing our home expand again. 

MyKey, Cece and Justin at Justin's B-Day

Chateau Julian Carmel Valley Wine Tour

Millie after her lesson

This was a year full of changes with Mykey, Margaritte, and Millie moving to Tulsa from Austin in March. Mykey had a job at Youth Services of Tulsa before coming, and Margaritte quickly became employed at the Tulsa Botanical Garden. It was a great process, having them first live with us, Millie start at Channing and taking some movement classes. Mykey & Margaritte got settled in their jobs, All Souls Church, and the Unitarian Universalists Parents community. Mykey is teaching the Our Whole Lives (OWLS) sexuality curriculum, and Margaritte led a four week class on Active Hope.

This year Dan and Claudia took a road trip to Monterey Bay and Santa Fe with great side trips along the way there and back.  Upon their return, Margaritte had a birthday, Mykey and Margaritte had another anniversary, and Mykey turned 30! In September, Mykey and Margaritte bought and moved into a home. It is perfect for them!

Kelly, Ash and Sage

Arthrell-Knezek Home

Everyone here in March

Sage and Ash

Justin continued to work at Seton Healthcare Family as an Improvement Advisor. Kelly is teaching two classes at Austin Community College in both Hospitality Management as well as Wines. She teaches her cooking classes at Central Market in addition to filling in for the wine department from time to time. Sage goes to Preschool two days a week, and Ash is doing great! We had two great visits to Austin and another two meetings in Dallas over the year along with Justin & all joining us in Tulsa three times. Family times are the best times. The year ended with another amazing Christmas holiday.

A Gonzales - Arthrell selfie in June

MyKey on his 30th Birthday

Christmas 2014

THE 7 COURSE ITALIAN CHRISTMAS CELEBRATION 2014

I love that my daughter-in-laws have taken over some of the holiday planning, especially around food. I have been raised with many holiday food habits from my grandparents and parents. I love it when these traditions are put aside for new ideas about food, festivities, and what being a family can mean. I especially like that I am still part of all of these plans. This Christmas the plan included creating a seven course Italian meal designed to operate in stages throughout the day to keep us nourished and energized.

I started early on with two kinds of biscotti for our morning latte’s, both a pistachio and an almond. My dear friend contributed a Pantone, which we toasted for the morning breakfast along with latte’s and yogurt with fruit.  Kelly, our chef in residence, started braising the leg of lamp and prepared the stock for it’s five-hour stewing. Once the leg was sealed, the carrots were roasted in the lamb juices to increase their flavoring for the gingered carrot soup course later at lunch. 

We moved on to some gift opening again with a new tradition. Each family shared its gifts to the other family members at once. The family-to-family sharing was wonderful.  Everyone put up with Cece’s tradition of several “simultaneous openings” which included books for all three grandchildren, towels for all four parents, specialty oils for the couples, etc.

Hunger set in with Margaritte’s getting out the antipasto course with prosciutto, olives, cheeses, crackers, and grapes.  The grandkids were ready and this was perfect. Kelly moved on working on her soup while Cece started the risotto for the lunch course. Kids played with their new toys while the table was set for the lunch course. Soup and risotto were quickly eaten before the energy waned and kids started crashing for a nap.

Fortified by food, the last gifts were unpacked in the living room. A fire station and stuffed chair were assembled while a sled and pickling crack were opened. The light and space of the room also provided energy for all! Naps followed for the kids while the adults started to pick up the papers and sort presents and pieces.

The coup de grace was dinner, shredded lamb, roasted cauliflower and Brussels sprouts, green salad, and Italian pesto bread. While playing a game a few hours later, we remembered we also had cannoli’s waiting for dessert.  A perfect end to a daylong celebration! I can’t wait to find out what the team suggests next time we all get together!

BEING INTENTIONAL

I continue to learn great lessons from my family and friends.  My learning seems to get focused when I notice differences between what others would choose to do, think, and how they might act, than what naturally occurs to me.

As I look on the beginning of a new year, I not only am aware of all my possibilities in the year ahead, but I consider the gifts I have learned from the last year. One of those gifts has come from my youngest son and his wife around the power of intentionality. Their annual New Year’s Day ritual includes a very clear goal setting for direction for the upcoming year. One year they decided to move from Olympia, Washington to Austin, Texas. By February 1^st they had a job for Mykey, started looking for a rent house, had been able to route a pre-planned air flight through Austin, and arrange a move in March in time to start a new job. I was amazed! They made it happen with a little help from all of us.

A few years later, they announced on July 1^st that they had decided to move to Tulsa, OK (our home) in March the following year. They wanted to be able to buy a home, have another child, and establish roots in an affordable community. They started paying off loans, consolidating school debt, and clearing out the clutter as they saved some cash for the move, and slowly said goodbye to Austin.

Margaritte, Millie, MyKey, Turkey Mountain, Mother's Day 2014

They did it again. On January 1^st, our son started interviewing for jobs and had one starting in March.  They packed up their home, moved over a weekend into our upstairs apartment, and began again. It didn’t take long for Margaritte to get a job, Millie to be in a pre-school, and the work on clarifying both where they wanted to live and what they could afford. By September they qualified for the loan they needed, bought a home, moved in and hosted a house warming for friends and family.